YEAR IN REVIEW.
The scandals and scourges that rocked this small town, plus all the zaniness that made semi-fictional miniature-newspaper headlines everywhere. Well actually, just in Nanton, I guess.
NO NEWS IS BAD NEWS
April 6, 2009
Closure of the Nanton News office
While the 100-year-old Nanton News itself continues to exist, owner Sun Media decides to formally close its downtown office. Applying for the job as Nanton News editor, Peter Worden realizes the inauspicious nature of applying with a company in the midst of cutbacks. His 3,000 word harangue about the importance of the smalltown news in the form of a miniature newspaper is headlined: ‘No News is Bad News’. The Experiment begins.
SUN MEDIA THREATENS LEGAL RESTITUTION UNLESS NEWS EXPERIMENT CHANGES NAME.
June 23, 2009
Sun Media and Experiment exchange words
Citing that the new publication is too “confusingly similar” Sun Media requests what was known as the Nanton News Experiment to change its name to simply the “Experiment”. The ‘X’ obliges.
DOG IN PICKUP HITS PEDESTRIAN
Hit-chew-and-run
While Claresholm has a set of traffic lights, Alberta Traffic Services sees no need for them in little ol’ Nanton. Disaster strikes when Roger the German Shepherd hits a pedestrian during Nanton’s famed summer pastime ‘Let Your Dog Do The Drivin’ Day’. Roger claims lights wouldn’t have helped as he is unable to see the colour red.
LOCAL POST OFFICE STAMPS OUT CRIME
After the local post office is broken into, questions are raised about who the true wrong-doers are; vandals or Canada Post for its bi-yearly penny increases on stamps.
May 20, 2009
Wrapping paper stocks boom!
While Sun Media cuts 600 jobs and its weekly newspaper profits wane, the company corners the ‘affordable wrapping paper’ market as well as the boot-drying and kennel-lining industries.
MAN LIVES TO MIRACULOUS AGE OF 180 YEARS OLD – OWES IT ALL TO EATING A BUNWICH-A-DAY.
Wonder bread!
The women of the Main Street Café in Nanton, it seems, have magical buns. Their delicious and nutritious “bunwiches” prove just what the doctor ordered. What doctor? Ah, the coolest doctor ever.
NANTON TO TWIN WITH SENANTES, FRANCE!
TOWN COUNCIL TOYS WITH NEW NAME “FRANCETON”
August 15, 2009
Bienvenue, Senantes!
In a real show of solidarity, Nanton takes twinning to a new level physically flying the entire country of France and its inhabitants over the Atlantic to twin the towns of Senantes, France and Nanton, AB. Unfortunately Ontario, Manitoba and Saskatchewan were crushed in the process. Quebec wasn’t that mad at all.
All summer-long, 2009
“Cats”ified ads
One local woman tries to give her cats away free to a good home in the Experiment’s classified section. This editor vows to run the ad until someone takes her cats off her hands. Apparently no one reads this miniature newspaper or takes it seriously because it’s been nye a year now. The Experiment does an exposé on kitty homelessness and finds it’s a recipe for “cat”astrophe, toppling Nanton’s grain towers and such. Please, someone, for Pete’s sake adopt these cats.
Jacoba@shaw.ca
403.652. 0939
“NOT YOUR GRANDMA’s SKATE PARK”
September 26, 2009
Skatepark(s) in Nanton
The raising of funds continues for a local skatepark in Nanton, which organizer Karen Shaw calls ‘not your grandma’s skatepark.’ This sparks the debate: Why isn’t there a skatepark for seniors in Nanton? Funding is ongoing for the skatepark due to break ground next spring. Ground breaking for seniors skatepark estimated 2015.
DANIELLE SMITH CALLS ME *ME!* THE ‘COLBERT OF NANTON’
September 26, 2009
Experiment comes close to actual reporting
By far the year’s biggest story, Alberta Wildrose Alliance leader Danielle Smith referred to this editor as “sort of like the Colbert of Nanton” and touched said editor’s arm. The Experiment editor then blew any chance of asking real questions. But came close. That’s the important thing.
*EDITORS NOTE: The Nanton Experiment considers itself politically wingless and does not endorse the Wildrose Alliance Party. It does, however, endorse wildroses, alliances and parties. All very pleasant things
November 27, 2009
Eye on Nanton
The tiny-printed Experiment teams up with the local Optical Parlor to help strengthen Nanton’s collective eyesight.
2009 AYEAR IN REVIEW.
December 20, 2009
Review issue raises questions of competence.
The Experiment’s estimated readership of 3.5 are incensed by the highly repetitive nature of this year-end issue. The highly repetitive nature of this year-end issue. Repetitive nature.
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