AN EXPERIMENT EXCLUSIVE ON:

KITTY HOMELESSNESS IN NANTON.

***SUBLIMINAL adopt a cat adopt a cat EDITION ***

WITH SPECIAL DRINKING GAME INSIDE!

*** The bona fide circulation of the Experiment this week is 1,200. Wow. Are you kidding me? ***

Is this what you want, Nanton? Is THIS what you want?!

Luckily it hasn’t come to giant cats toppling Nanton’s famed grain elevator. Yet. One thing is certain: a cat without a home is a recipe for disaster. This Editor foresees only two possibilities.

(See CATastrophe)

~ CATASTOPHE! ~

GOOD HOME NEEDED FOR

KITTY CATS RIGHT MEOW

By: Peter Worden

If no one chooses to adopt these purr-ty kitty cats there are only a couple possible scenarios I can forsee.

Scenario One: The poor owner becomes the lady with several cats, to whose house locals begin referring to simply as “where the Crazy Cat Lady lives.”

Scenario Two: To avoid becoming said Crazy Cat Lady, the owner relinquishes both cats onto the wild backstreets of Nanton, leaving them to their own devices. It’s only a matter of time before the rampant felines multiply and Nanton is overrun by mating kitties and cat poop. You thought the Great Nanton Doggy Poop Disaster of 2000-aught nine was bad - just you wait.

What can you do to save Nanton from certain destruction? Glad you asked

ADOPT THIS CAT.

Tigg needs a home. Actually, yours.

AND THIS ONE TOO.

Tigg (top pic) and Luna (directly above) are both free to a good home. They are darned good cats. They hope to stick together wherever it is they wind up. The kitty duo has provided years of joy to one family, but now their owner fears she will become the Crazy Cat Lady of the neighbourhood.

For examples of similar crazy cat ladies, see following pictures. For adoption information, look down.

FREE LAP CATS: 403 652 0939, jacoba@shaw.ca

OTHER NOTABLE "CAT WOMEN" OF THE WORLD:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

(1) The Simpson’s Cat Lady, (2) the Cats on Broadway, (3) an incredibly scary cat-resembling woman, (4) the BC “Felions” cheerleaders, very grrr,.. (5) Cat Woman.

I told the lady giving away her cats in this issue of the Experiment not to worry; this won’t happen to her - please don’t make me a liar.

~ THE DRINKING GAME SECTION ~

Wow. Your newspaper has a drinking game section?

That is correct.

It has been the long-standing opinion of this Editor that newspapers are bogus anyway. The amount of chemical utilized and refuse generated far outstrip whatever gravitas they purport to stand for. Bearing that in mind the Experiment, in its unending endeavour to make ‘the paper’ more useful or at the very least more enjoyable to the 18+ public, proudly presents:

A DRINKING GAME.

RULES:

- GET A BEER, WINE OR SIMILAR DEVICE.

- READ THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE.

- EACH TIME A LINE APPEARS TO WHICH YOU

CAN SAY “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID” HAVE A SIP.

- DO NOT DRINK TO EVERY WORD. THIS IS A 100-

WORD ARTICLE AND THIS NEWSPAPER DOES

NOT CONDONE DRINKING TO “IT’S”, “THE’S”

AND “AND’S”.

- IF PLAYED CORRECTLY YOU WILL BE THE

PROUD NEW OWNER OF TWO KITTY CATS.

KITTY ADOPTION DRINKING GAME

By: Peter J. Worden

Hi, and welcome to the Nanton Experiment’s first-ever article written in “drinking game format”. (Maybe even a fi rst for Alberta?)

In case you read “Drinking Game” on the front page and skipped directly to here, it’s important not to get too excited and rush in.

There are many reasons one should consider adopting a cat. That is, aft er all, what we’re doing here. For one, cats are scientifically proven to reduce stress levels in humans. Petting or stroking it has health benefits. When it comes to happiness and longevity, some doctors recommend doing it at least once a day.

After a nice heavy petting, some sleep it off , spending up to 16 hours of the day asleep. That said, most are generally very low-maintenance and simply spend much of their waking hours licking their underparts and pleasuring themselves with small toys.

Tigg and Luna are adorable little kitty cats. By now (if you played correctly) you may be considering adopting the two. Just promise to love them treat them well. Th at number again for those cuteoozykoozyoozagoodkittywittykittycats is:

403 652 0939