DANIELLE SMITH CALLS ME *ME!*
THE ‘COLBERT OF NANTON
Auspicious moment blown by over-flattered Experiment editor
By: Peter J. Worden
It’s true, sad but true. Both the Colbert thing and the thing about blowing the interview.
Last week, Sep 16 the Experiment attended the Wildrose Alliance Party leadership debate and actually, believe it or not, brought a recorder. In fact, that’s the real news story. Let’s start this article over. (See: Experiment comes close to doing actual reporting, below.)
EXPERIMENT COMES CLOSE TO DOING REAL JOURNALISM
Right, so where were we?
Oh yes, Danielle Smith, political phenom and future leader of Alberta’s Wildrose Alliance Party (you read it here folks, Experiment calls it) and I were chatting after the debate. She said, I was, “sort of like the ‘Colbert of Nanton.”
I’ve heard many nouns affixed to ‘of Nanton’ before. (For example, “that ‘miniature newspaper guy of Nanton,” or “that drunk, disheveled journalist of Nanton” or “the a-hole plugging up my mailbox with unsolicited crap of Nanton.”) But never “the Colbert” of Nanton. I’ll take it! She also touched my arm.
Anyhow, this self-aggrandizing dross has dragged on long enough. Time for Experiment TRIVIA! (This is truly the great thing about fictional news.
After Danielle Smith touched my arm, did I? …
(a) …Not wash my arm since. And since the debate was nye two weeks ago now, begin to lose the respect of friends and family.
(b) … Become tickled pink by her comment then so overcome by nervousness I threw up.
(c) … Enact a wedding ceremony in my basement complete with pillow-stuffed effigies and a number of puppets as the wedding party.
(d) …Write at length about one mundane detail of our encounter to extend it into a story for a rather enjoyable miniature newspaper.
(e)… All of the above, except for (c). That’s just nonsense.
Think hard. Answer in Experiment's next issue.
*EDITORS NOTE: The Nanton Experiment considers itself politically wingless and does not endorse the Wildrose Alliance Party. It does, however, endorse wildroses, alliances and parties. All very pleasant things.
THE RANTIN’ NANTON
The Rantin’ Nanton is a forum dedicated to the airing of public grievances irregardless of how much one has had to drink. I figure since the majority of grievances are aired to me anyway, it was right to capitalize on it with a nominal fee. Payment for a slot in the Rantin’ Nanton can be made in cash or libation. Send your rantin’ to NANTONNEWSX@LIVE.CA
ALSO! THIS JUST IN: IRREGARDLESS NOT ACTUALLY A WORD.
*Brought to you by the words ‘de-thaw’ and ‘alot.’
2 comments:
Your blog always makes me laugh out loud! Keep up the good work Peter.
Sandra Wiebe,
Routes Magazine
I, too, am laughing out loud. And in addition, I am forced to google words such as libations which means you are making me a tiny bit more smart!
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